Hi, I'm Kailey and Conley's Mom!

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and as I sit here watching an NBA playoff game (like any normal mother I’m sure…, ha!), I find myself thinking about my own title as a “Mama”.

Being a mother has so many responsibilities, some seem overwhelming or unimportant, and sometimes go unrecognized. Some days hearing the word “Mama” is simultaneously the most beautiful and the most exhausting sound in the world. I often think my identity is only "Kailey and Conley's Mom". However, being a mother is by far, the single greatest accomplishment in my life. Nothing compares to it and nothing will ever surpass it in my opinion.

I wonder why God sometimes allowed us women to fill such an important role after Eve stirred things up in The Garden?! Some days my answer would be because women are the only ones who can handle such an enormous task, while other days, I think He chuckles a little as we muck it up yet again. Whatever his reasoning, I feel confident in saying that my children have made me whole.

Kailey came into this world, event-filled to say the least. After a scary premature birth, watching her stop breathing and the UK Team fighting to bring her back while I watched helplessly through the windows (they forgot to close them in the emergency of saving her), the NICU stay and the heartache of going home without her, I somehow didn’t think I was ready for such a small package. But the day I brought Kailey home I was sure I was meant to be a mother,……until we walked through the doors of our home. I quickly realized, what I DIDN’T know was a bunch! I was in a panic, I called my mother and asked the normal questions, “How often do I feed her? How will I know why she is crying?, “Will I be a good mom to her? etc” Apparently, I forgot every single thing I had ever read and for those of you who know me, that is not normal. My mother simply said this, “Breathe deeply and remember that soon, every instinct you have will kick in and you will know exactly how to be her mother and it will be natural and right”. I had doubts for sure, and even when Conley was born, with no “complications”, I still doubted myself. I think I will until my last breath. What I have never doubted is my love for these precious girls.

I often think I am not worthy to be a mom to my daughters‘, especially on days when I’m not my best. Having a special needs child and an overachiever for a child can be so challenging. It is constantly a battle with myself if I am giving to each of them everything they need. I have asked God several times why he ever thought I was meant to be their mother. His answer is simple. The Bible tells us in Psalm 139:13-14, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. “ Wow. If you reflect on that, you should be in awe and a little scared, ha! God not only created our children, but he carefully created them FOR US! What a compliment to have the Creator of the Universe hand-pick me to shelter the responsibility of not one, but two beautiful children. Talk about a loan that can never be repaid! Ladies, besides Jesus dying on the cross for us, there is no greater gift! No matter if you are a mother by birth, or you have opened your heart to a child that God gave you through other means, you were made for this role.

I have learned so much from my own mother, good and bad alike, but the most important lesson was love. Not once in my life, even when I know I didn’t deserve it, have I ever questioned if my mom loved me or not. My mom also taught me that our strength and the ultimate source of love comes from God, and the ultimate sacrifice in the form of Jesus. Without Him, we have no hope and no promise of eternal life. I know that just like my mother’s love, that God loves me on my best days and even on my worst days. I am humbled to know He loves me in spite of my self. One of my girls’ favorite songs right now is by Sidewalk Prophets and part of the song says, “I am the thorn in Your crown, but You love me anyway, I am the sweat from Your brow, but You love me anyway, I am the nail in Your wrist, but You love me anyway, I am Judas’ kiss, but You love me anyway”.

How wonderful to know I am loved unconditionally by My Savior! That is a comfort like no other. Before I became a Christian, the closest I could come to compare that was how my parents loved me, especially my mother. I hope that my daughter’s will one day be able to say the same thing. Most importantly I hope they learn from me, in speech and in life, that even though my love is great, God’s love is greater.

I wish each one of you a wonderful Mother’s Day, no matter how you earned that title, God thought you were worthy enough. For myself, I feel blessed that I get to wear that name badge. I realize that the day I became a mother, I started living.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mother, who has more class and more love in her pinky finger than I do in my whole body! I love you!